My CTS

Christmas, New Year, birthdays, earthquakes, tsunamis, and a send-off to the airport went and I have not a single entry… nada! Going by the daily routines in my life as a housewife, left me neglecting the one thing that helps me sane… writing. So, this 2011 I hope to keep up with the commitment I made to myself, one entry a day. A little late, I know, but better late than never as the old cliché goes.

It could be hard for me at times because my overzealous mind wanders all around the living room floor… overzealous yet devoid of any thoughts and ideas. Finding what to do next was always an easy task, though, so I wonder why I stopped. Well, not really stopped, maybe, a better term would be a temporary froze-off.

You see, my hands always got in the way. Haha, seize the humor for it is more painful to enumerate the causes that delayed my resurrection. And as of this writing, my hands together with my shoulders are acting up ageyn… as the Brits would put it. I found out through thorough research and endless electrical pains that shoot from the tip of my middle fingers up to my shoulder blades that I actually have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Unfortunately for me, both hands, arms, and shoulder blades have started to react to the symptoms. Although, the perpetual nagging of my husband to see a doctor and have a more credible physician (in comparison to me) examine my pains have not transpired yet, I may still be actually wrong. But, looking at the signs and symptoms and waking up at night because it was excruciatingly difficult to dismiss the pain---which is again another and more disturbing sign that this needs treatment, my findings are more likely to be accurate.

 

This is not really the first time that symptoms started showing up. Years ago, I relied on my own wits and decided that the occasional tingling pain on my index, thumb, and middle fingers were just your typical numbness when the hands and wrists are tired from a long period of a tedious or repetitive work. But, through further reading I found out that the people who are more at risk of CTS are electricians, chefs, secretaries (endlessly typing/encoding reports and/or taking notes from their bosses), construction workers, sewers, even Julianne Moore joined in the picture, and then HOUSEWIVES!. Does this mean that my condition worsened from staying at home and doing household chores? The years spent at the office and busying myself with crafting and manual writing (which I still prefer most of the time) and spending an enormous amount of time in front of a computer is already taking its toll on me. But, no way will I credit my being a housewife a major contributor to this condition! Oh, maybe parts of it. *wink*

Armed with a new medical term and fear that my CTS may get really worse than better, I walked myself to youtube.com for self-help videos on how to perform a self-therapy. I was skeptic at first. But, following the instructions from this bald muscled-man everyday since my discovery of his videos, I’d say there were improvements. These exercises may not be much and I still need to see a physiatrist, also to provide a good physical therapist referral, but, hey at least it allows me to sleep through the night.

My not-so EX

I know, I know, I shouldn’t be writing about this, but I can’t help it. I actually jumped the moment I heard of it, or read about it. You see, my ex is in town. Well, more apt will be he’s in the country. He has a job stint somewhere in Malaysia. I don’t know if that’s permanent because we’re incommunicado. I found out about him landing in Manila through his FB status that’s why I know.

Knowing this got me thinking again… of the many whats and could’ve beens. I guess because the relationship was short-lived and I had difficulty moving on. I struggled to get back on tracks for three years. I felt alone. I felt confused. I felt dumped. I felt just about any girl in my state would’ve felt after losing her sanity to someone she thought is the right one plus the fact that he’s absolutely GORGEOUS and with a killer smile indeed.

I was insane for a good three years. I tried stalking him, but didn’t work. And every time I thought we’d bump into each other, turned out that I assumed too much. Oh, the troubles I caused my mama and sisters right after the break up and some more to my brother during the time of my healing. Ironically, mama didn’t know that we used to be together yet she managed to control herself from giving me ‘the talk.’ She said it’s more pity than anger of what she felt for me. But, she eventually gave me the needed ‘talk’ when somehow I already needed it. My father even got into the picture, but he was more teasing rather than nagging.

Don’t get me wrong, the gorgeous ex was an angel… is an angel? It’s just that the circumstances were wrong, the timing was wrong, and we were sooo wrong. Haha, the vagueness of it all. We were young, he was carefree, I was into him, and was he into me?

Twelve years and counting I still wonder what went wrong. I still see him in my dreams, actually. And by dreams I mean quite often, especially when there is trouble in my own little paradise. They say dreams have meanings, but I’d prefer not to look it up in dreammoods.com for fear that it may disappoint me and holding on still to the one man who made me jump at the mere sight of his pick-up truck is such a losing battle. Not to mention that I’m a married lady and believing in second chances is way out of my league these days.

There, finally let it out, somehow. By the way, I might decide to catch a movie early Sunday evening at Galleria. I read he’ll be there with friends. Haha, just kidding!