I know, I know, I shouldn’t be writing about this, but I can’t help it. I actually jumped the moment I heard of it, or read about it. You see, my ex is in town. Well, more apt will be he’s in the country. He has a job stint somewhere in Malaysia Manila
Knowing this got me thinking again… of the many whats and could’ve beens. I guess because the relationship was short-lived and I had difficulty moving on. I struggled to get back on tracks for three years. I felt alone. I felt confused. I felt dumped. I felt just about any girl in my state would’ve felt after losing her sanity to someone she thought is the right one plus the fact that he’s absolutely GORGEOUS and with a killer smile indeed.
I was insane for a good three years. I tried stalking him, but didn’t work. And every time I thought we’d bump into each other, turned out that I assumed too much. Oh, the troubles I caused my mama and sisters right after the break up and some more to my brother during the time of my healing. Ironically, mama didn’t know that we used to be together yet she managed to control herself from giving me ‘the talk.’ She said it’s more pity than anger of what she felt for me. But, she eventually gave me the needed ‘talk’ when somehow I already needed it. My father even got into the picture, but he was more teasing rather than nagging.
Don’t get me wrong, the gorgeous ex was an angel… is an angel? It’s just that the circumstances were wrong, the timing was wrong, and we were sooo wrong. Haha, the vagueness of it all. We were young, he was carefree, I was into him, and was he into me?
Twelve years and counting I still wonder what went wrong. I still see him in my dreams, actually. And by dreams I mean quite often, especially when there is trouble in my own little paradise. They say dreams have meanings, but I’d prefer not to look it up in dreammoods.com for fear that it may disappoint me and holding on still to the one man who made me jump at the mere sight of his pick-up truck is such a losing battle. Not to mention that I’m a married lady and believing in second chances is way out of my league these days.
There, finally let it out, somehow. By the way, I might decide to catch a movie early Sunday evening at Galleria. I read he’ll be there with friends. Haha, just kidding!
