A Pricey Happiness

The other day I woke up to the sound of my beeping phone, several reminders that I received a text message. Still groggy at 2 am I found an alarming message from my husband who’s at work. Said he’s feeling super low, shabby, and all over the place. What gives? He can’t even tell. To appease his low spirits I kept up with him until 3am exchanging texts filled with mixed contents… some made sense while the rest were just “ yeah, “ “I know,”  “it’s ok,” “ be strong,” and “you’ll be fine.” It’s like trying forcibly to make someone smile despite my inability to cheer myself at 3am. And finally, he said his goodnight again with the assurance that he’s already fine. Big smile, I worked wonders on him in just an hour!

The next day when he clued me in that he’s on his way home, there was a certain tone of merriment in his text message. I was relieved to know that the sourly husband is now Happiness personified with a capital H!

A knock on the door, hubby appeared, smile reached up from ear to ear. I almost felt like a mother after a child won an oratorical contest only this time the child became materialistic. He reached out from his pocket and showed me his new toy. Just when I thought I made magic happen, I instantly sunk at the sight of the culprit. A shiny, sleek, black Blackberry 8520 was held up in my face ready to be admired. My husband was bought and his happiness was expensive. But, who am I to argue, he brings home the bacon and if it means rewarding himself from the stress of work then so be it. Besides, maybe it was about time he upgraded from his old touch phone to a fully functional and professional mobile phone.

My CTS

Christmas, New Year, birthdays, earthquakes, tsunamis, and a send-off to the airport went and I have not a single entry… nada! Going by the daily routines in my life as a housewife, left me neglecting the one thing that helps me sane… writing. So, this 2011 I hope to keep up with the commitment I made to myself, one entry a day. A little late, I know, but better late than never as the old cliché goes.

It could be hard for me at times because my overzealous mind wanders all around the living room floor… overzealous yet devoid of any thoughts and ideas. Finding what to do next was always an easy task, though, so I wonder why I stopped. Well, not really stopped, maybe, a better term would be a temporary froze-off.

You see, my hands always got in the way. Haha, seize the humor for it is more painful to enumerate the causes that delayed my resurrection. And as of this writing, my hands together with my shoulders are acting up ageyn… as the Brits would put it. I found out through thorough research and endless electrical pains that shoot from the tip of my middle fingers up to my shoulder blades that I actually have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Unfortunately for me, both hands, arms, and shoulder blades have started to react to the symptoms. Although, the perpetual nagging of my husband to see a doctor and have a more credible physician (in comparison to me) examine my pains have not transpired yet, I may still be actually wrong. But, looking at the signs and symptoms and waking up at night because it was excruciatingly difficult to dismiss the pain---which is again another and more disturbing sign that this needs treatment, my findings are more likely to be accurate.

 

This is not really the first time that symptoms started showing up. Years ago, I relied on my own wits and decided that the occasional tingling pain on my index, thumb, and middle fingers were just your typical numbness when the hands and wrists are tired from a long period of a tedious or repetitive work. But, through further reading I found out that the people who are more at risk of CTS are electricians, chefs, secretaries (endlessly typing/encoding reports and/or taking notes from their bosses), construction workers, sewers, even Julianne Moore joined in the picture, and then HOUSEWIVES!. Does this mean that my condition worsened from staying at home and doing household chores? The years spent at the office and busying myself with crafting and manual writing (which I still prefer most of the time) and spending an enormous amount of time in front of a computer is already taking its toll on me. But, no way will I credit my being a housewife a major contributor to this condition! Oh, maybe parts of it. *wink*

Armed with a new medical term and fear that my CTS may get really worse than better, I walked myself to youtube.com for self-help videos on how to perform a self-therapy. I was skeptic at first. But, following the instructions from this bald muscled-man everyday since my discovery of his videos, I’d say there were improvements. These exercises may not be much and I still need to see a physiatrist, also to provide a good physical therapist referral, but, hey at least it allows me to sleep through the night.

My not-so EX

I know, I know, I shouldn’t be writing about this, but I can’t help it. I actually jumped the moment I heard of it, or read about it. You see, my ex is in town. Well, more apt will be he’s in the country. He has a job stint somewhere in Malaysia. I don’t know if that’s permanent because we’re incommunicado. I found out about him landing in Manila through his FB status that’s why I know.

Knowing this got me thinking again… of the many whats and could’ve beens. I guess because the relationship was short-lived and I had difficulty moving on. I struggled to get back on tracks for three years. I felt alone. I felt confused. I felt dumped. I felt just about any girl in my state would’ve felt after losing her sanity to someone she thought is the right one plus the fact that he’s absolutely GORGEOUS and with a killer smile indeed.

I was insane for a good three years. I tried stalking him, but didn’t work. And every time I thought we’d bump into each other, turned out that I assumed too much. Oh, the troubles I caused my mama and sisters right after the break up and some more to my brother during the time of my healing. Ironically, mama didn’t know that we used to be together yet she managed to control herself from giving me ‘the talk.’ She said it’s more pity than anger of what she felt for me. But, she eventually gave me the needed ‘talk’ when somehow I already needed it. My father even got into the picture, but he was more teasing rather than nagging.

Don’t get me wrong, the gorgeous ex was an angel… is an angel? It’s just that the circumstances were wrong, the timing was wrong, and we were sooo wrong. Haha, the vagueness of it all. We were young, he was carefree, I was into him, and was he into me?

Twelve years and counting I still wonder what went wrong. I still see him in my dreams, actually. And by dreams I mean quite often, especially when there is trouble in my own little paradise. They say dreams have meanings, but I’d prefer not to look it up in dreammoods.com for fear that it may disappoint me and holding on still to the one man who made me jump at the mere sight of his pick-up truck is such a losing battle. Not to mention that I’m a married lady and believing in second chances is way out of my league these days.

There, finally let it out, somehow. By the way, I might decide to catch a movie early Sunday evening at Galleria. I read he’ll be there with friends. Haha, just kidding!

To each his own

I’ve been pretty busy lately. You see, I revived my hobby and plan to make a profit out of it. I have a number of things in mind that scream to be put in paper, but, this old hobby kinda slumps me at work. I’m not complaining, though. But, sometimes my creative mind won’t reel to its direction and I space out. I end up watching reruns of Charmed, Charmed again, and Monk at 9 am, 10 am, and 2pm respectively. My hubby says that maybe I’m bored. Could it be that since I’ve been jobless for a while I’m looking for other stuff to keep me busy?

We’ve constantly had discussions on this. Fortunately, I always score. I’m the only person capable of saying that I’m bored-to-death indeed. Haven’t we all learned to tap into our senses to confirm our feelings? And I stand up to him and say NO, I’m never bored. I only get bored when people talk nonsense or when there’s zero thing to do. I don’t. I’ve plenty of books on my shelf waiting to be read. I write. I do my regular mani and pedi in front of the TV while engaged in interesting movies. I check the net for inspiration for my handmade accessories. And, yeah, my beads are there to keep me busy. So, I have many diversions. Unlike this person I know who complains about boredom all the time. I wanted to tell her to quit ranting. She has a kid to make her preoccupied. When the kid’s at school, read a book for two hours then pick him up after school. By then, she may have acquired a number of new terms she didn’t know until she forced her way into reading. Oh, I forgot, she doesn’t read and she also doesn’t have a hobby. Poor girl!

I’m just lucky that despite my absence from the dog-eat-dog world, I’m able to see the light in things. My resignation from my last job was months in the making. I had to resign from a sadistic boss. And now I am in peace and at peace and boredom is the least of my problem. I guess, it’s also who I am since I’m more an introvert and enjoy my time alone. Don’t get me wrong, I still go out. I’m no hermit or monk or whatever else you can call me. I just enjoy being with myself… that is all.

To each his own.

To a dear friend

My dear friend,

I've known you for a short period of time; I wish it wasn't the case. But, for what little time we spent, you've been generous enough to open your heart regardless of what my post-judgment of you may turn out. The whats, ifs, and buts during our short conversations revealed the complexities of your thoughts, the strength in your character, and the compassionate heart you have. I also wish we had more of that.

Unbeknownst to you, I would always ask hubby how you are---more about your state of mind and how you are holding up in the romance department. Do you remember that our last exchanges were about finding Mr. Right whom you said was still stuck in traffic? You see, mine was too, then made a U-turn, and forgot to come back. Glad he didn't or else I wouldn't be married to my Greatest Love. Yours will come too. And when he does, don't fight it. Don't go looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Perfect, or Mr. Ideal. Instead, wait for your one greatest love. 

There could be many Mr. Rights depending on your maturity, change of times, or even changes in the weather (you'll know what I mean), but your greatest love will come only once. Hence, listen carefully to your heart. 

Remain strong, steadfast, and smart as you embark on a new journey to a better you. You mulled over your decision long enough to know that (hopefully) you made the right choice. And who's best to say that you'll be happy other than you, right? So, if along the way you find yourself dissatisfied, unhappy, or even unappreciated by others, go back to first base and think again why you were there in the first place. The wise says we are accountable for our own happiness and vice versa. 

Here's wishing you the best in life and the best of everything that is to come. I really pray that you fall in love again, but wiser and empowered. Love yourself first, that's the golden rule. 

God bless on your mission.

See you around.

XOXO

I forgot about the Popcorn

I forgot about the popcorn hubby bought for me
Sitting prettily on top of my TV
Facebooking and blogging were the culprits not me
I forgot about the popcorn terribly, terribly.


Forgive me, hubby, for the popcorn I forgot
But, tomorrow I promise to eat it
Munch and finish it
Even though it's already makunat.

Sleepless Night

I jumped to bed last night earlier than usual so I can also get up early to catch the worm--they say early birds catch the worm, right? I did, however, get up too early before the worm crawled out of the soil. Sleeping at 10pm and getting up at 3am… what’s with me?

I kept tossing and turning hoping that my wandering mind will stop and allow me back to dreamland. I waited but it never came until I could no longer shut my eyes because it hurt soooo much to pretend to be sleeping. However, I was too lazy to even get up and do something like read a book or watch tv to help me go back to sleep. I even tried to recall some tips on how to sleep soundly hoping and praying that it’ll work its wonders on me. I counted sheep (flocks would be more proper) and catered to happy thoughts so I can hush-hush again. But, the time spent were wasted for anymore slumber.

So, I had no choice but to get up at 7am dead tired from lack of proper sleep. Then, I suddenly felt a strong empathy towards my husband who has been forever doing night shifts and affords five hours of sleep a day, seven on a good day which is rare and the funny thing is that he hardly complains and even able to gather the zest he needs to start his day or night for that matter. And to add more to my injury, here I am ranting about the lack of sleep when other people have bigger problems than I do. I should be thankful I even get sleep or get to sleep on a bed and a roof over my head. Ergo, I think I should do some hair pulling and cheek slapping adding one more whack on my head while I’m at it for being ultra selfish and dense.